Relationships – 7 Steps to Healthier Relationships

Relationships are everywhere. It all starts with our relationship to our mother, followed by the one with our father, sibling, and so on. We soon discover that there is a difference between people and animals, and we too figure out that things usually don’t react to us. When we fall in love for the first time we start talking about relationships. And here all problems seem to have their start.

Our beliefs and values have been formed from a very early age onwards and so it isn’t surprising that we feel challenged in an intimate relationship. Still we believe that one day our dream partner will show up. Maybe he/she is already in our life, but we are to busy to complain about that partner without realising that we truly complain about our own poor self.

Here are my 7 steps to create healthier relationships:

1. Treat your partner the way you would like to be treated!  We reap what we sow! This is a very important point as we tend to expect more from our partner as we are prepared to give. Often we wish he/she would come up with a surprise, with a massage, or with some compliments. Have you actually done something like that yourself lately? You know what you value and what is important to you. How do you like your partner to meet these values? Are you doing the same for him/her?
2. Respect your partner! Remain always respectful of your partners feelings, needs, and ideas. Give your partner your full attention when doing something together. Listen to your partner and clarify if necessary. Make big decisions together. Accept your partner as he/she is and his/her different ways of doing things!  
3. Change perspectives! Sometimes it is wise to step into the perspective of your partner to understand why he/she is reacting a certain way. What has caused this reaction in the first place? Has it anything to do with your own behaviour? Often a change in perspective helps to calm down disagreements as you step out of your own hurt self.
4. Stop reacting! This is a difficult one as you have learned certain behaviour patterns. Usually you don’t think before you react. But you can train yourself to become aware of your own reaction and over time you can change these patterns, too. Observe your own feelings, thoughts, and reactions. Reflect on them and decide whether they have true value to you.
5. Transform self-limiting beliefs! Often some sticky self-limiting beliefs are in the way to stop you having a healthy relationship. Find out what they are, write them down and find evidence why they aren’t true at all! Cross them out and reframe them into empowering beliefs!
6. Don’t give up! Often the reasons for disagreements are fear based. These fears might be buried deep in yourself and the closer your relationship becomes the more apparent they are. Instead of fighting with your partner try to understand your own fears. Is there any evidence? How does your partner make you feel most of the time? Can you trust your partner? Are you feeling safe? What do you value in your partner? What do you love so much about him/her? Let your partner know how you feel and what you fear. That way you invite him/her to work together on your relationship.
7. Be true to yourselves! My favourite one as a healthy relationship can only exist, if you are true to who you are. What do you value and how do you live your values? Does your partner know about them? What do you do for yourself? What are you passionate about? How does the relationship with your inner self look like? Do you love yourself? Once you are strong within yourself your relationships too will be healthy and happy!

There is definitely much more to say about relationships as they are the most important mirrors of our own personality.  While we look for the bad aspects in other people we will notice our own bad aspects. While we look for the beauty in every person we will see a reflection of our own beauty. You have a choice in counting the wonderful aspects in people and be a wonderful person yourself. So what do you see in your partner?

To transform self-limiting beliefs, release fears, and stop reacting you might find it useful to hire a life coach, work with a counsellor, or other professionals trained to support personal development.

by Sandy Seeber – January, 2012 More articles by Sandy Seeber

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