A comfortable bed, finally. We feel relieved. It has been a tiring day and tomorrow won’t be different. While we are lying in our favourite position our mind takes a chance. One thought follows the other, an argument arises, maybe we feel nervous about a future event or we have just messed up again. All that we want is sleep. We are so tired. But hang on, this thought might be interesting. And again thought after thought and another discussion in our head. Eventually we drift off hours later. The night is short, maybe we wake up at least a couple of times. Before we get to rest the alarm goes off in the morning. We feel exhausted. After fighting for another half an hour, we crawl out of our bed and tell ourselves tonight will be an early one.
But even today we choose again to end up tired tonight, because we have learnt to believe that we have to follow certain strategies in order to be happy. Although these strategies might give us a moment of satisfaction, it too takes a lot of effort to get there. This effort causes stress, especially when we don’t get that piece of happiness. The whole day we are trying hard and harder in following our strategies and at the end of the day we feel exhausted. What are these strategies?
We want to be someone else!
We have idols who impress us so much, that we try hard to be like them! Once we have mastered another imitation of our idols we feel a glimpse of happiness. But soon we learn we are not perfect yet.
Who are we in this play? What is wrong with being ourselves?
We live within an illusion of happiness!
Many of us have learnt that a good education and a good profession will bring us joy. We can have great things like a beautiful house, an elegant car, and a career that will realise all of life’s treasures. Once we reach one goal we feel a glimpse of happiness. But soon we learn that we still need more achievements.
Are we still waiting for the joy-part? What does make us feel happy? What are the reasons that we don’t do that?
We escape our reality!
Movies, novels and reality shows are beautiful places to dive into. Those worlds help us to escape our every day struggles. Once we feel with the main characters and their joy and happy endings we feel a glimpse of happiness. But soon we are back in our own reality.
What do we escape from? What is it, we don’t like about it? How can we change the settings in our lives?
We know best!
Our ego mind wants to show off. Nobody knows better than us. At every opportunity we have to add something smart or advice someone how they could do better. We are constantly in a competition with others. Once we have convinced someone we feel a glimpse of happiness. Soon though someone else knows better and we are back in the game.
Can we really know best all the time? And what happens, if we don’t? Why is that so important?
We overtake responsibility for others!
We worry about a friend. We show huge integrity in our jobs. We do everything to please others. We never say no. We make ourselves irreplaceable. Once we realise that we are needed we feel a glimpse of happiness. Soon after we feel exhausted again.
What is with responsibility for ourselves? Who is taking care of that?
We try to control everything and everyone!
We like others to behave in a certain way. We like others to follow our advise. We want things done in exactly the same way we would do them ourselves. Once someone follows our instructions we feel a glimpse of happiness. Soon though we feel that we have to direct again.
How likely are we able to control anything but ourselves? What are the reasons for trying? Can you work on them?
We find excuses and blame others!
We put a lot of energy in looking for logical reasons why we can’t be happy at all. There are many such as economy, people, weather, time, traffic, etc. And those are related to actions of other people who are responsible for our situation. Once others agree with us we feel a glimpse of happiness. Soon though we feel the need of more agreement.
What truly brought us here? Who do we truly blame? How can we change our perspective and get true value out of assessing the situation we are in?
We believe we haven’t got a choice!
We believe that we can’t change ourselves, our jobs, our environment, etc. We believe that we are not good enough to deserve happiness. We believe that life is what it is and that we need to get on with it. Once we reach that moment of realisation we feel a glimpse of happiness. But soon again we are back in the struggles of our lives.
How do we know that this is true? Have we ever tried to change some of our own behaviours? What are these triggered by? What emotional attachment do we carry with them?
These are just some of the strategies we follow unconsciously to gain happiness. What strategy do you follow? What does it give you? How likely would you gain lasting happiness while following this particular strategy?
At the end of the day we fall into a comfortable bed, finally. We feel relieved. It has been a tiring day and tomorrow won’t be different. Maybe it will. But it is up to us to choose whether we look for lasting fulfilment or just another tiring try to gain a glimpse of happiness.
by Sandy Seeber, Life & Intuitive Coach – November, 2011