The Downside of Positive Thinking

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IMG_6277Over the past decade or so, positive thinking has become for many people interested in personal development an important tool to reach a successful and happy life.  In attending classes, reading books and sitting in numerous sessions with life coaches, many have become masters of optimism and positive thinking. The art of positive thinking has led them into a life full of beautiful things and positive outcomes. Surely they must also live happy lives. For myself though the reality looks a little different, since positive thinking alone doesn’t necessarily lead to happiness. While it can be a great tool to move towards that dream life there is also a downside to positive thinking.

We might miss deeply moving conversations

In the past I often heard those around me saying that there is a hype about positive thinking. Back then I didn’t agree, neither did I. Instead I was optimistic that those people will find their own way around their thinking. Soon this became my mantra and I lost many opportunities to challenge other ways of thinking. With this I too missed out on deeply moving conversations that would have made me stronger and wiser.

We might oversee important facts 

IMG_6280Over time I have learnt to look at everything from a positive point of view. I used to believe that at the end everything will work out just fine (and sometimes magically by itself). With this I occasionally have overseen important facts, that suggested a less positive outcome. I missed to tackle obstacles that were clearly laid out in front of me, instead I was still waiting for that positive outcome to appear.

We might silence our inner voice

Sometimes positive thinking doesn’t allow exploration and acceptance of negative thoughts or doubts. These however are powerful messages from the inner voice that are important to observe, best without judgement. Since I started to acknowledge doubt and negative thoughts I have been able to clear them up simply by using actual facts.

IMG_6287While positive thinking is a powerful tool when moving towards a better outlook in life, the downside could be silencing the inner voice, overseeing important facts and missing opportunities for deeply moving conversations. By allowing yourself to discuss with others your way of thinking, considering all facts available and understanding the nature of your negative thoughts and doubts along with using the tools of positive thinking you are mentally set up to reach a successful and happy life in no time.

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Sandy Seeber, July 2015

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Reflecting on Owen Fitzpatrick’s Influence Mastery-Weekend (1)

“You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” Zig Ziglar

YouTube Video Screenshot, 2 May 2014, Sandy Seeber

YouTube Video Screenshot, 2 May 2014, Sandy Seeber

This quote summarises for me what Owen does for his course participants. The wealth of insight and information that was laid out in front of me by himself and his co-facilitators is beyond comprehension at least for me. One week later, life has taken over again and the first enthusiasm following that amazing weekend course on “Influence Mastery” organised by Owen Fitzpatrick, left silently through the backdoor into the nowhere. However, there is still some content left lingering attached to some thoughts about future ventures and before it gets a chance to sneak out, I want to give it some reason to stay.

Today I just want to reflect on the top three things that still ponder through my mind:

1. Reference points – The human brain likes to save energy and connects pretty much every message it is receiving with something that is already known. This way the brain can make quick decisions without thinking too much. For sales people this could turn into a big roadblock when selling a new service or idea, but this insight holds also a great potential for them. To influence successfully all you need to do is setting the reference point correctly. This works best with stories, which is the next thing that I would like to reflect on.

2. Stories – As a writer I love telling stories that not only touch people’s feelings but also give them an experience of an emotional adventure where readers feel with the characters while they overcome their biggest flaw. Stories in business are proven to be as powerful as they are in books, especially when they are related to the service or the product provided. Important is also the story that you tell yourself which leads up to my next point.

3. The story you tell yourself – The story that we tell ourselves determines how our life will look like. If in your mind the world is a stupid place filled with too many idiots then that is probably what you will experience, but if you tell yourself the world is full of wonderful people who only wait for you to get out there and do what you always wanted to do then it might be exactly what you will find.

IMG_5652The course topics covered were hardly new to me, but I have learned to look at them in a new way, had a wonderful opportunity to network with amazing like minded people and got to learn from leading experts on the stage. Besides the global expert on influence Owen Fitzpatrick, I had the pleasure to also learn from Magician and Mind Reader Ruairi O’Connor, the Negotiating Expert Margaret Considine, the most prominent Mind Coach in Ireland Brian Colbert and Ireland’s leading Voice Coach Poll Moussoulides.

What I have learned from the other speakers and who I also met will be included in the next part of Reflecting on Owen Fitzpatrick’s Influence Mastery-Weekend. 

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Sandy Seeber, 2 May 2015

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About Sandy SeeberSandy Seeber es

Sandy Seeber left behind all that she knew, travelled around the world and found her key to happiness. She envisions a world full of happy, healthy, and wealthy people.

Core and Vision – ‘It’s all about you and your dreams’ has been the start of a mission to make the world a happier, healthier and wealthier place. But instead of supporting environmental organisations or helping people far away from us, Sandy focusses on other ways to change the world.

“If all people would be in peace with themselves, I truly believe that our world would be a happy, healthy and wealthy place.”

It's all about you and your dreams!Core and Vision reflects the strength of the inner core that is able to manifest its vision. Just like the sun that is so strong within itself that the whole solar system benefits from its light. However, many people have lost a lot of their strength and instead of living a truly fulfilling life, they struggle through it. Some of us lose even motivation for life while others are being eaten away from heavy burdens that never allow a rest. The world outside of us is not going to change unless we are willing to look from a different angle.

Through her creative writing Sandy Seeber aims to make a difference by taking her readers onto a journey of an unforgettable experience. In summer 2013, her first novel titled ‘The perspective of things – An unusual friendship’ has been published in Germany. After great reviews, the storie has been released as an Audiobook in December 2014.

As a certified coach and trainer, Sandy mainly supports people to become more effective in their working environments.

Today she is living and working in Dublin, Ireland.

For more information, please send an email to:

Sandy Seeber, April 2015

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Have you arrived yet?

“A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.” Lao Tzu

Photo, Sandy Seeber, 2015

Photo, Sandy Seeber, 2015

Do you know that feeling that eats away slowly any confidence about your current situation? That feeling that makes you gasp for a new experience. That emptiness in your stomach that makes you want to take in more than there is available at any time. The realisation that you have everything that you ever wanted but still, that thirst for a new adventure seems never satisfied. Even worse it expands until there is no other way than that of the so much desired change. Can you relate to the explorer that never grows tired of meeting new challenges? Then you could be one of us people who may never arrive at all.

After a while, the places you find will look the same. The people you meet will start to take more of your energy. The circumstances you encounter begin to tire you. Everything will be the same and eventually you will arrive at that very same place that once full of spirit you have left to conquer the world. And again, after a while, you will nurture that hollow feeling, that once before has led you leave everything behind.

Yes, your character will improve, your thinking will become even more efficient, your interpersonal skills will grow stronger and the wealth of knowledge will be overwhelming. A lifestyle choice, as many of us would call it. But is it really a choice? Are you not longing for a loving partner you can share your deepest fears with, a place that you can feel settled in, a family of your own to pass on those incredible experiences that you have had in life so far? Are you rejecting everything that is steady in your life on purpose? So what exactly makes you initiating change so frequently?

Photo, Sandy Seeber, 2013

Photo, Sandy Seeber, 2013

I myself thought of me as an explorer for a long time. Only recently an extended trip to Argentina had me realise that I am not any longer. I used to make changes before something else had a chance to hit me by surprise. This way I always considered myself flexible and very adaptable and to be fair I am to most events, just not to the ones that are closely connected to my life choices. I used to never settle in a relationship, in a professional position or even in myself long enough to arrive at this place of inner peace and trust that is so important to manifest all the things I was always dreaming of.

Now the real work begins. With the arrival at the place that I once left reality kicks in. Now it is time to take those steps necessary to make my dreams come true, finally.

As in all my posts, I am happy for you to like and share this post. I also enjoy reading your comments. For new post you can also follow this blog by email.

Sandy Seeber, January 2015

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Top 5 Tips on How to Let Go

Top 5 Tips on How to Let  Go

“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”– Joseph Campbell

The internet is full of posts about letting go and how somebody can benefit from it. There are also a great number of books out there that cover letting go as one of the secrets to create a life in abundance. Now that is where I got stuck. Because I couldn’t grasp the how of the letting go process or maybe I wasn’t just ready to do so.


After many months, I have worked through this problem and would like to share my top 5 learnings as tips for all those of you who wonder too about the how in the concept of letting go.

These learnings are results of my experience and may or may not work for everybody. However when was looking for a simple way of letting go almost two years ago, I missed the most important point. Only now, I am becoming aware of something that is much simpler than I ever would have thought. Even though you might not agree with those tips below bear in mind neither would have I before.

1. Accept all that is and make peace with it. Whatever your life has had on offer for you, it was meant to be. Every person, every challenge, every crisis and every fortune is part of your life, no matter if you want it or not. It is important to make sure that you accept all events and especially all people in your life as they are. Acceptance is the first step to every change.

I had difficulties to accept my mom as she is. I always knew what she could do better, how her life quality could improve, and of course what she should be doing. We had tough discussions and arguments over simple things. When I have started to listen to myself when we were talking, I figured that I would respond in the same way she does. I indeed acted just like her. I accepted this fact and the way my mom carried on but stopped to engage in those arguments. I started to accept that she thinks differently about many things. Our relationship has improved a big time. I have slowly let go of my need to know what is best for her.

2. Stop listen to everybody. Except you, nobody know what is best for you. You have to take care of your needs and follow your own course in life even if that means that people around you don’t agree with you. This is a hard one and can lead to confusion in times. That’s why the next learning is as important as this one.

Often in my life I have listened to the voices around me and have given them more thought than my original ideas. Because I did change many of my ideas to fit them into the ideas of other people, I haven’t been as successful as I hoped for. I lost faith in myself and had times in which I wanted to hide from the world. When I stopped listen to other people, especially to those I haven’t asked for advice, I gained my strength back and achieved more than I thought possible. 

3. Trust yourself. You know what you can do and what you can’t do. If you need to take a break, take it. If you need to take action, do it. Whatever your body tells you is more important than what anybody else tells you. Sometimes you want to take on a challenge. As long as the ultimate outcome is something that you want to achieve by heart, go for it. Is the challenge something that you do only to please somebody or to gain attention in your peer group, be strong and say no.

When I wrote my novel, I always knew it would be a great book. It took me a while to get it edited into the form that I believed would be the final version. I was happy and encouraged to release it into the world. I wrote to about 15 agents. One of them wanted to read the whole script. One Saturday afternoon I received feedback. It was horrible, in only a few minutes my mood has changed. I felt dizzy after one single person told me, that my novel wasn’t good at all. There were some clues of what I should be working on. I trusted myself though and didn’t change anything. I knew this book isn’t like any other and isn’t a book that suits all readers either. Just a year later my book got published – unchanged. It has received many 5 star reviews and great feedback from all sides.

4. Take enough breaks. Life is not a competition even though it seems like one. Everybody has their own time to do all those things they are meant to do. Take time to eat and sleep properly. Schedule time for yourself. The only asset you really can count on is your body and mind. Make sure you keep your personal assets healthy and energised.

I have been always on the go. One goal after another that screamed to be added to my success list. I considered sleeping too long a waste of time. I wanted to make the most out of my life. Even though I crashed without energy in almost depressive moods now and then, I felt awful for not doing something useful. Eventually I changed my perspective and started to listen to my body. I eat when I am hungry, I try to ensure 8 hours sleep at night, and enjoy doing absolutely nothing. I have learnt to be in harmony with myself and to enjoy my own company. I am much more relaxed and if something really needs to be done, it won’t go away. 

5. Live your life. Once you have stopped trying to improve the life of others and have started to take care of your own life, you will have so much more time to live your life. Now there is no pressure of other people to do something that you don’t want to do. There is only choice. With choice you own your time, your view, and your life. There is no feeling bad about anything, because you can stand in front of the mirror and say I am having a great time.

When I was busy with taking responsibility for all those people around me and thought I had to do so many things to create a wonderful life, I never really enjoyed myself. I always was busy doing something for a better time in future. Although I realised that is was my choice to make my future brighter I forgot to enjoy the time.  Since I started to take myself less seriously and stopped to think too much about the future, I realised I am already living the life that I always wanted and just at the right moment I was ready to save it for my future.

Of course nothing has changed over night. It took me about 10 years to turn my life over. It started with one question that helped me open my eyes: “Why do I get angry about things I have no control over”? It continued with a great journey around the world and an even longer journey deep into my inner world. Even though it took that long to understand the term of letting go, I would not miss one single second within the last decade. It’s been amazing and the only question I am asking today is: “How much better life can really get?”

by Sandy Seeber – Januar, 2014 More articles by Sandy Seeber

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How to Create Harmony in your Relationship

How to Create Harmony in your Relationship

“Happiness is when … What you think , What you say and What you do are in Harmony”   Mahatma Gandhi

Relationships are important and even more so is the one with your lifetime partner. Often the once so sparkling energy between two people grows into a story of the past and both partners find themselves in a rather comfort arrangement than a passionate relationship. While some couples have found out how to invite back the excitement of their early days, others struggle to even keep their interactions in harmony. When you feel misunderstood, not valued, or just in unease with your partner you probably start looking for outside support and you might even think about breaking up. But before you give up on your relationship have a look at my tried and proven tips on how to create harmony:

Talk and most importantly, listen to each other! When your relationship is off-balance the chances are high that there is a lack of communication. That doesn’t mean always that you don’t talk to each other, but you might not hearing what your partner is really saying. One of the reasons is that instead of discussing an idea, thought, or plan of action objectively, people often interact to get approval for it. So the purpose of the conversation is a different one and so is the outcome. In trying to understand each others point of view you certainly have a good chance to also hearing what your partners is really saying.

Recall all the qualities you do like about each other! At some point you were madly in love with each other. There was that chemistry that connected you two without any questions. Qualities, interests, and a similar taste clued you two together. What made you going out with each other? What is your common story? What were your first dates all about? As you remember the highs of your relationship you bring them straight into the present. It is your choice to keep them there.

Envision your future together and make it an ultimate goal! Have you got plans for your future? Visions always wrote history before it even happened. Without visions we would probably still live in caves. Create a vision for the two of you and keep engaging with it. Where and how would you love to live once you are eight five? How about envision your kids (in case you haven’t got ones) and sometimes even acting as they would be already in your life? To have a vision adds fun to your relationship and most importantly strengthens a common purpose.

Take initiatives! Life is too short to wait for others to get going. If you want something in your relationship, be the one to introduce it. If you want to spend more quality time together, organise something you both enjoy. If you want more surprises, surprise your partner. If you want to be better understood, try to understand your partner better.  If you feel unhappy, talk to your partner before you consult your friends. Every step you do proactively is a step closer to your common vision.

Include each other before making big decisions! Big decisions can be everything from starting a family, going back to university, or changing careers as they will have an impact on your relationship. Making such a decision on your own wouldn’t be fair on your partner. Have an objective discussion and agree on terms that you both can live with.

Nurture the positive attributes! Being in harmony with your partner is also an indications of being in harmony with your innermost self. Whenever you are in doubt of yourself, your partner, or your life find evidence for the opposite to be true. Recall your successes, what you love about your partner, and what you have achieved in life. There are times when life can be tough. But if nothing else you do have a choice of stirring through the storm on your own or with the support of your partner.

From my own experiences I know that a relationship is literally like a fairytale, you have the good faces and the bad ones combined in one single story. Often the dark forces get stronger and stronger and just before they are about to succeed they get defeated by the power of love. In other words as long as we buy in the issues at hand and engage with them we are on a good way to destroy our once so promising life together, but we can turn it around by trusting in our love, purpose and in each other.

by Sandy Seeber – October, 2012 More articles by Sandy Seeber

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How doubt can make you stronger

How doubt can make you stronger

or how to reinforce confidence

“Doubts are the ants in the pants of faith. They keep it awake and moving.” 
― Frederick Buechner

Doubt is an exquisite spice added to your journey as a human being. Yet way too often its delicate appearance evolves to be a monster creating terrifying outlooks. It doesn’t need to be like this though. You can easily use doubt to reinforce confidence in yourself and instead of a tiring fight against the self-doubt monster, you can train yourself to be its friend. But how?

According to Wikipedia, doubt is also described as a status between belief and disbelief.  A balanced scale that can either turn into greater doubt or even fear or increased confidence. It is up to you on which side you put weight on that scale.

Unfortunately most people are unaware of making that decision as soon as doubts arise.  Often they find themselves in states of either being confident or timid depending on previous experiences.

For instance you are talking to a client about your product. He request further information about features and pricing before purchasing. Because you are an expert and you have advised numerous clients you stir confidently through this conversation until he is being reassured. Your previous experiences have helped you to gain confidence in your ability to convince a customer to buy the product. Even if there were a notion of self-doubt you probably wouldn’t have noticed at all as your mind reinforces confidence as soon as there is evidence for it.

It might be different with a new project you start, for example you introduce a new service to your clients. You are excited as this service e.g. will help a huge number of people to achieve greater success. Because your mind can’t find enough evidence in your experiences with this service, each question about it knocks on your confidence. Your mind presents you the case and you become aware of doubts. While some people master doubt in a constructive way resulting in reinforced confidence, other people give in on doubt while weighing the scale with reasons for failing.

Here are my tips for reinforcing confidence and decreasing doubt:

  1. Transfer skills. You have already mastered many things. How can previous experiences help you to reinforce confidence in your new task, situation, goals, ventures, etc.?
  2. Notice success. Each tiny success builds self-confidence and your mind starts dealing with them for you. Start writing a success journal to get into the process.
  3. Look for evidence. Before surrendering doubt request evidence, even from yourself. What exactly could you have done better? If there is valid evidence, use it as constructive feedback and incorporate it.
  4. Be prepared. If you have an extraordinary idea, service, or way of doing be prepared that people might not like it at first. So it is necessary for you to be sure that it works. What makes you believe that it works? How do you know that it will?
  5. Have faith in others. If you notice the inabilities of those around you, you stir up self-doubt within yourself. The same applies to the opposite, self-doubt retreats while you believe in the unique abilities of the people in your life.
  6. Accept who you are. As long as you refuse to accept yourself fully, you will have to deal with a great amount of self-doubt that might come up in the most unexpected situations.  What is it, that you find hard to accept about yourself? What does it make so difficult to accept? What do you need to do in order to be able to accept yourself fully? 
  7. Ask for help. If you feel you can’t deal with self-doubt yourself, get help. It might be beneficial to work with a coach or other practitioners who are experts in building on self-confidence.

In summary doubts can be hugely beneficial in order to recognise in which area you lack of confidence. Once you have an awareness of an insecurity you are able to reinforce self-assurance. This way doubts are a wonderful measurement that not only help you to identify areas that need development, it too makes you stronger within yourself.

by Sandy Seeber – August, 2012 More articles by Sandy Seeber

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