Relationships are important and even more so is the one with your lifetime partner. Often the once so sparkling energy between two people grows into a story of the past and both partners find themselves in a rather comfort arrangement than a passionate relationship. While some couples have found out how to invite back the excitement of their early days, others struggle to even keep their interactions in harmony. When you feel misunderstood, not valued, or just in unease with your partner you probably start looking for outside support and you might even think about breaking up. But before you give up on your relationship have a look at my tried and proven tips on how to create harmony:
Talk and most importantly, listen to each other! When your relationship is off-balance the chances are high that there is a lack of communication. That doesn’t mean always that you don’t talk to each other, but you might not hearing what your partner is really saying. One of the reasons is that instead of discussing an idea, thought, or plan of action objectively, people often interact to get approval for it. So the purpose of the conversation is a different one and so is the outcome. In trying to understand each others point of view you certainly have a good chance to also hearing what your partners is really saying.
Recall all the qualities you do like about each other! At some point you were madly in love with each other. There was that chemistry that connected you two without any questions. Qualities, interests, and a similar taste clued you two together. What made you going out with each other? What is your common story? What were your first dates all about? As you remember the highs of your relationship you bring them straight into the present. It is your choice to keep them there.
Envision your future together and make it an ultimate goal! Have you got plans for your future? Visions always wrote history before it even happened. Without visions we would probably still live in caves. Create a vision for the two of you and keep engaging with it. Where and how would you love to live once you are eight five? How about envision your kids (in case you haven’t got ones) and sometimes even acting as they would be already in your life? To have a vision adds fun to your relationship and most importantly strengthens a common purpose.
Take initiatives! Life is too short to wait for others to get going. If you want something in your relationship, be the one to introduce it. If you want to spend more quality time together, organise something you both enjoy. If you want more surprises, surprise your partner. If you want to be better understood, try to understand your partner better. If you feel unhappy, talk to your partner before you consult your friends. Every step you do proactively is a step closer to your common vision.
Include each other before making big decisions! Big decisions can be everything from starting a family, going back to university, or changing careers as they will have an impact on your relationship. Making such a decision on your own wouldn’t be fair on your partner. Have an objective discussion and agree on terms that you both can live with.
Nurture the positive attributes! Being in harmony with your partner is also an indications of being in harmony with your innermost self. Whenever you are in doubt of yourself, your partner, or your life find evidence for the opposite to be true. Recall your successes, what you love about your partner, and what you have achieved in life. There are times when life can be tough. But if nothing else you do have a choice of stirring through the storm on your own or with the support of your partner.
From my own experiences I know that a relationship is literally like a fairytale, you have the good faces and the bad ones combined in one single story. Often the dark forces get stronger and stronger and just before they are about to succeed they get defeated by the power of love. In other words as long as we buy in the issues at hand and engage with them we are on a good way to destroy our once so promising life together, but we can turn it around by trusting in our love, purpose and in each other.
by Sandy Seeber – October, 2012 More articles by Sandy Seeber