Boundaries – Merging Lines Between You and the Rest of the World

5 Steps Strategy to Set Personal Boundaries

“And this is one of the major questions of our lives: how we keep boundaries, what permission we have to cross boundaries, and how we do so.” A. B. Yehoshua

Boundaries are everywhere. We are literally surrounded by a ambitious attempt to fence off everything that might not be comfortable, safe, or supportive. When we look at the world as we know it today we define borders between continents, countries, counties, towns, and suburbs. While centuries ago families would share one bedroom we today make sure that even the smallest kid has already their own privacy. But there are even more boundaries around us.

Our life is dictated by laws, rules, morals, and everything that is approved by society. Although there is a necessity for structure, this in its self makes it difficult to nurture our own individuality. Therefor some of us tend to hide behind walls for one reason, to be themselves.

Now with all the boundaries around us we have learned how important they are and as soon as we feel offended, insecure, or even attacked we scream for more security. The authorities as governments, unions, and associations are trying to fill the holes all the time, but it seems an impossible task. Maybe not!

Boundaries are a personal choice too. Once we set and maintain our own rules to protect ourselves from everything that is not being supportive to us we might feel much more content with what is going on in our surroundings. Here is my 5 steps strategy to set successfully personal boundaries:

1. Be true to yourself! This is the first step to setting boundaries. Know what you want, what you like, and what you are prepared to invest.
2. Find out what you value! There are many ways to do so. An easy way is to describe what is important to you. Often we recognise values when they are not being met. For instance you are really annoyed when somebody lies to you, so you probably value honesty. Values help to set boundaries that are true to us, so we can have a more balanced life.
3. Act according to your values! Once you have defined your values, you need to act according to them. You reap what you sow! When you value respect then be  respectful of others and so on. As long as you live in alignment with your own values others are less tempted to step over your boundaries.
4. Stop saying yes to everything! When you say yes to everything others recommend or suggest you might find yourself quickly in a situation where you have no time, joy, and peace anymore. Although some offers are tempting, check within yourself whether you truly want to accept it or not. It’s your choice and often it is better to say no before your yes becomes a stressful situation.
5. Be assertive! When making a decision, stand for your choice. If you need to, refer back to what is important to you. Often with a short reasoning we gain strong ground that helps us to stay true to ourselves.

Strong boundaries help us to keep focus on what is truly important to us and to create a life we really want to live. This way we might not being able to please everyone, but we are certainly enabled to make sure that we are doing always the best we can.

What is your strategy or experience of setting boundaries?

by Sandy Seeber  – February, 2012 More articles by Sandy Seeber

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