Top 5 Tips on How to Let Go

Top 5 Tips on How to Let  Go

“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”– Joseph Campbell

The internet is full of posts about letting go and how somebody can benefit from it. There are also a great number of books out there that cover letting go as one of the secrets to create a life in abundance. Now that is where I got stuck. Because I couldn’t grasp the how of the letting go process or maybe I wasn’t just ready to do so.

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After many months, I have worked through this problem and would like to share my top 5 learnings as tips for all those of you who wonder too about the how in the concept of letting go.

These learnings are results of my experience and may or may not work for everybody. However when was looking for a simple way of letting go almost two years ago, I missed the most important point. Only now, I am becoming aware of something that is much simpler than I ever would have thought. Even though you might not agree with those tips below bear in mind neither would have I before.

1. Accept all that is and make peace with it. Whatever your life has had on offer for you, it was meant to be. Every person, every challenge, every crisis and every fortune is part of your life, no matter if you want it or not. It is important to make sure that you accept all events and especially all people in your life as they are. Acceptance is the first step to every change.

I had difficulties to accept my mom as she is. I always knew what she could do better, how her life quality could improve, and of course what she should be doing. We had tough discussions and arguments over simple things. When I have started to listen to myself when we were talking, I figured that I would respond in the same way she does. I indeed acted just like her. I accepted this fact and the way my mom carried on but stopped to engage in those arguments. I started to accept that she thinks differently about many things. Our relationship has improved a big time. I have slowly let go of my need to know what is best for her.

2. Stop listen to everybody. Except you, nobody know what is best for you. You have to take care of your needs and follow your own course in life even if that means that people around you don’t agree with you. This is a hard one and can lead to confusion in times. That’s why the next learning is as important as this one.

Often in my life I have listened to the voices around me and have given them more thought than my original ideas. Because I did change many of my ideas to fit them into the ideas of other people, I haven’t been as successful as I hoped for. I lost faith in myself and had times in which I wanted to hide from the world. When I stopped listen to other people, especially to those I haven’t asked for advice, I gained my strength back and achieved more than I thought possible. 

3. Trust yourself. You know what you can do and what you can’t do. If you need to take a break, take it. If you need to take action, do it. Whatever your body tells you is more important than what anybody else tells you. Sometimes you want to take on a challenge. As long as the ultimate outcome is something that you want to achieve by heart, go for it. Is the challenge something that you do only to please somebody or to gain attention in your peer group, be strong and say no.

When I wrote my novel, I always knew it would be a great book. It took me a while to get it edited into the form that I believed would be the final version. I was happy and encouraged to release it into the world. I wrote to about 15 agents. One of them wanted to read the whole script. One Saturday afternoon I received feedback. It was horrible, in only a few minutes my mood has changed. I felt dizzy after one single person told me, that my novel wasn’t good at all. There were some clues of what I should be working on. I trusted myself though and didn’t change anything. I knew this book isn’t like any other and isn’t a book that suits all readers either. Just a year later my book got published – unchanged. It has received many 5 star reviews and great feedback from all sides.

4. Take enough breaks. Life is not a competition even though it seems like one. Everybody has their own time to do all those things they are meant to do. Take time to eat and sleep properly. Schedule time for yourself. The only asset you really can count on is your body and mind. Make sure you keep your personal assets healthy and energised.

I have been always on the go. One goal after another that screamed to be added to my success list. I considered sleeping too long a waste of time. I wanted to make the most out of my life. Even though I crashed without energy in almost depressive moods now and then, I felt awful for not doing something useful. Eventually I changed my perspective and started to listen to my body. I eat when I am hungry, I try to ensure 8 hours sleep at night, and enjoy doing absolutely nothing. I have learnt to be in harmony with myself and to enjoy my own company. I am much more relaxed and if something really needs to be done, it won’t go away. 

5. Live your life. Once you have stopped trying to improve the life of others and have started to take care of your own life, you will have so much more time to live your life. Now there is no pressure of other people to do something that you don’t want to do. There is only choice. With choice you own your time, your view, and your life. There is no feeling bad about anything, because you can stand in front of the mirror and say I am having a great time.

When I was busy with taking responsibility for all those people around me and thought I had to do so many things to create a wonderful life, I never really enjoyed myself. I always was busy doing something for a better time in future. Although I realised that is was my choice to make my future brighter I forgot to enjoy the time.  Since I started to take myself less seriously and stopped to think too much about the future, I realised I am already living the life that I always wanted and just at the right moment I was ready to save it for my future.

Of course nothing has changed over night. It took me about 10 years to turn my life over. It started with one question that helped me open my eyes: “Why do I get angry about things I have no control over”? It continued with a great journey around the world and an even longer journey deep into my inner world. Even though it took that long to understand the term of letting go, I would not miss one single second within the last decade. It’s been amazing and the only question I am asking today is: “How much better life can really get?”

by Sandy Seeber – Januar, 2014 More articles by Sandy Seeber

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How to Create Harmony in your Relationship

How to Create Harmony in your Relationship

“Happiness is when … What you think , What you say and What you do are in Harmony”   Mahatma Gandhi

Relationships are important and even more so is the one with your lifetime partner. Often the once so sparkling energy between two people grows into a story of the past and both partners find themselves in a rather comfort arrangement than a passionate relationship. While some couples have found out how to invite back the excitement of their early days, others struggle to even keep their interactions in harmony. When you feel misunderstood, not valued, or just in unease with your partner you probably start looking for outside support and you might even think about breaking up. But before you give up on your relationship have a look at my tried and proven tips on how to create harmony:

Talk and most importantly, listen to each other! When your relationship is off-balance the chances are high that there is a lack of communication. That doesn’t mean always that you don’t talk to each other, but you might not hearing what your partner is really saying. One of the reasons is that instead of discussing an idea, thought, or plan of action objectively, people often interact to get approval for it. So the purpose of the conversation is a different one and so is the outcome. In trying to understand each others point of view you certainly have a good chance to also hearing what your partners is really saying.

Recall all the qualities you do like about each other! At some point you were madly in love with each other. There was that chemistry that connected you two without any questions. Qualities, interests, and a similar taste clued you two together. What made you going out with each other? What is your common story? What were your first dates all about? As you remember the highs of your relationship you bring them straight into the present. It is your choice to keep them there.

Envision your future together and make it an ultimate goal! Have you got plans for your future? Visions always wrote history before it even happened. Without visions we would probably still live in caves. Create a vision for the two of you and keep engaging with it. Where and how would you love to live once you are eight five? How about envision your kids (in case you haven’t got ones) and sometimes even acting as they would be already in your life? To have a vision adds fun to your relationship and most importantly strengthens a common purpose.

Take initiatives! Life is too short to wait for others to get going. If you want something in your relationship, be the one to introduce it. If you want to spend more quality time together, organise something you both enjoy. If you want more surprises, surprise your partner. If you want to be better understood, try to understand your partner better.  If you feel unhappy, talk to your partner before you consult your friends. Every step you do proactively is a step closer to your common vision.

Include each other before making big decisions! Big decisions can be everything from starting a family, going back to university, or changing careers as they will have an impact on your relationship. Making such a decision on your own wouldn’t be fair on your partner. Have an objective discussion and agree on terms that you both can live with.

Nurture the positive attributes! Being in harmony with your partner is also an indications of being in harmony with your innermost self. Whenever you are in doubt of yourself, your partner, or your life find evidence for the opposite to be true. Recall your successes, what you love about your partner, and what you have achieved in life. There are times when life can be tough. But if nothing else you do have a choice of stirring through the storm on your own or with the support of your partner.

From my own experiences I know that a relationship is literally like a fairytale, you have the good faces and the bad ones combined in one single story. Often the dark forces get stronger and stronger and just before they are about to succeed they get defeated by the power of love. In other words as long as we buy in the issues at hand and engage with them we are on a good way to destroy our once so promising life together, but we can turn it around by trusting in our love, purpose and in each other.

by Sandy Seeber – October, 2012 More articles by Sandy Seeber

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How doubt can make you stronger

How doubt can make you stronger

or how to reinforce confidence

“Doubts are the ants in the pants of faith. They keep it awake and moving.” 
― Frederick Buechner

Doubt is an exquisite spice added to your journey as a human being. Yet way too often its delicate appearance evolves to be a monster creating terrifying outlooks. It doesn’t need to be like this though. You can easily use doubt to reinforce confidence in yourself and instead of a tiring fight against the self-doubt monster, you can train yourself to be its friend. But how?

According to Wikipedia, doubt is also described as a status between belief and disbelief.  A balanced scale that can either turn into greater doubt or even fear or increased confidence. It is up to you on which side you put weight on that scale.

Unfortunately most people are unaware of making that decision as soon as doubts arise.  Often they find themselves in states of either being confident or timid depending on previous experiences.

For instance you are talking to a client about your product. He request further information about features and pricing before purchasing. Because you are an expert and you have advised numerous clients you stir confidently through this conversation until he is being reassured. Your previous experiences have helped you to gain confidence in your ability to convince a customer to buy the product. Even if there were a notion of self-doubt you probably wouldn’t have noticed at all as your mind reinforces confidence as soon as there is evidence for it.

It might be different with a new project you start, for example you introduce a new service to your clients. You are excited as this service e.g. will help a huge number of people to achieve greater success. Because your mind can’t find enough evidence in your experiences with this service, each question about it knocks on your confidence. Your mind presents you the case and you become aware of doubts. While some people master doubt in a constructive way resulting in reinforced confidence, other people give in on doubt while weighing the scale with reasons for failing.

Here are my tips for reinforcing confidence and decreasing doubt:

  1. Transfer skills. You have already mastered many things. How can previous experiences help you to reinforce confidence in your new task, situation, goals, ventures, etc.?
  2. Notice success. Each tiny success builds self-confidence and your mind starts dealing with them for you. Start writing a success journal to get into the process.
  3. Look for evidence. Before surrendering doubt request evidence, even from yourself. What exactly could you have done better? If there is valid evidence, use it as constructive feedback and incorporate it.
  4. Be prepared. If you have an extraordinary idea, service, or way of doing be prepared that people might not like it at first. So it is necessary for you to be sure that it works. What makes you believe that it works? How do you know that it will?
  5. Have faith in others. If you notice the inabilities of those around you, you stir up self-doubt within yourself. The same applies to the opposite, self-doubt retreats while you believe in the unique abilities of the people in your life.
  6. Accept who you are. As long as you refuse to accept yourself fully, you will have to deal with a great amount of self-doubt that might come up in the most unexpected situations.  What is it, that you find hard to accept about yourself? What does it make so difficult to accept? What do you need to do in order to be able to accept yourself fully? 
  7. Ask for help. If you feel you can’t deal with self-doubt yourself, get help. It might be beneficial to work with a coach or other practitioners who are experts in building on self-confidence.

In summary doubts can be hugely beneficial in order to recognise in which area you lack of confidence. Once you have an awareness of an insecurity you are able to reinforce self-assurance. This way doubts are a wonderful measurement that not only help you to identify areas that need development, it too makes you stronger within yourself.

by Sandy Seeber – August, 2012 More articles by Sandy Seeber

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What you might have missed

What you might have missed

I am not, who you think you are!

When I woke up this morning this sentence popped into my head and I wondered what it means. Maybe you too, wonder. Let me bring some clarity around this phrase. Of course this will be only my perspective as I am not, who you think you are.

You perceive your world according to your experiences, bringing up, your education and of course to your environment. What you know is true to you is what you hold to be true in general. This is an important part of humanity because it helps us to remain individuals. Let me put this into an example.

At the moment the news report about an ongoing financial crisis, about an uncertain economy, and many other dreadful outlooks for the very near future. That can be scary information especially if you have had bad experiences already. You might fear for your job, your income, or your savings. On the other hand you might find many opportunities to be innovative or to use that time of impermanence as you had great experiences with looking out for chances while something stopped working the way it always did. That way you get exactly the job you were looking for or a simple idea of yours becomes the most thought after solution. And there are many more perspectives you can find around the same topic.

Now back to the phrase above. As long as you accept that people have different perceptions and opinions you won’t need to think too much about it. But in case you think  that your common sense applies to the rest of the world than you might take it a bit too far. Why is that?

Everybody has a different perception, a different life with different experiences, and certainly different opinions. Certain ideas match with ideas from other people and other opinions of yours may cause conflicts while communicating them to your circles. You might think why can’t they understand that I am right here. You might try to convince them with evidence based on your experiences and still people seem not to agree. But it is not about you being wrong. The truth is that they just have had different experiences that have provided them with different insights. So it is understandable that they feel reluctant to agree to your opinion.

I am not, who you think you are; is a reminder that you are a unique individual on your own path through life. You might resist that path in times, you might not always accept what happens to you, but you still are who you are and no matter how much you try to change who you are, you certainly won’t be able to change me.

by Sandy Seeber – July, 2012 More articles by Sandy Seeber

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GREY

GREY

The grey has been strong these days 
a huge mix of everything
normality – nothing to be noticed
 
Somewhere within
the wheels are spinning though
blending everything together
 
Black and white are fighting
their sides change fast
 
Shadows and lights are merging
into balance at last.
 
by Sandy Seeber – 2012  – More by Sandy Seeber


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Why your life will never be different

Why your life will never be different

It’s a bold statement and yes you might argue that your life will be different or maybe you argue that it has changed already. But with being absolutely honest to yourself, is that true?

I am an expert in changing life. As soon as I had managed something without being challenged anymore I looked for a change. A long time I thought I am an explorer, but then I also longed for peace and just a ‘normal’ life. I dreamed of arriving at some point where I can just be. The more I dreamt of it the less I reached that point. My hunger for change became either unbearable or I fell into a laziness of a safe comfort I was afraid to leave again. Although I have changed many settings around myself, have had a straight career, travelled the world, and fulfilled most of my childhood dreams, I found myself still in the same battle. I was devastated.

My life hadn’t changed in its core. I hadn’t changed.

It’s easy to build a life around ourselves that we believe suits us much better. It’s easy to take opportunities and pursue some of our dreams. All that it takes is self-discipline, some courage, and determination. But you still are who you are and your inner battles won’t change unless you deal with them. And only then you will be able to pursue a  dream that is true to you.

Yes you can achieve wealth with the Law of Attraction and yes you can create your dream life, and yes you can heal yourself. And yes, you can be all that you want to be. But this is not your true destination. It’s a choice of a life style. Maybe you were in a 9-5 job and now you are self-employed. Maybe you were single and now you are in a relationship. Maybe you lived in a small village and now you live in a city. Maybe you were poor and now you are rich. Your life just changed colours. It’s coated with a new surrounding.

But your life is still what it used to be with YOU at its core.

You are who you are and only with a deep acceptance of all that you are, all your experiences, talents, origin, family, and characteristics you will be able to make a difference to the life you are living.

Maybe it’s time to realise that we are already whole and all that we truly need to do is to accept what is. So we can live a happy, healthy, and wealthy life.

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Why fighting reality won’t make it better

Why fighting reality won’t make it better

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” Albert Einstein

Not many can fully understand why reality is only an illusion according to Einstein. For most of us it feels, looks, smells, and sounds quiet real. Yet each of us experience reality differently and often we find ourselves within a setting that we rather fight than accepting it as being real.

What is reality? When we look up the definition of the word reality, we will find out that it refers to the world or state of things as they actually exist. So I understand all that we experience outside of ourselves must be reality. There is definitely a common reality that almost all of us are able to experience as for example the moon and stars, the sun, the cycle of night and day and others. Then there are common realities for different continents, different countries, different Cities, different communities, different groups, different families and there is a unique reality for each of us. This unique reality is based on our individual experiences of for instance society, family, friends, economy, countries, world, weather, as well as based on our value and belief system. The more beings experience a certain common reality the more likely it remains a concrete reality. We as individuals though have a wonderful chance to move towards realities that serve us better than the ones we are experiencing right now. But how can we do that?

As just described our own reality is based on our unique experiences. So whatever we experience we do so because it is part of what we believe is real. Here is an example: When I came back to Europe in the middle of  the recession in the end of 2010, I believed that I would find a job in no time despite the economic crisis. It took me 3 weeks including Christmas Holidays to sign the contract. But the same can work the other way around. When I was a teenager my reality was that guys aren’t faithful and so I used to attract exactly this type of guys into my life. This used to be my reality that has changed. How?

Acceptance is the key! The first step of moving out of a reality we don’t like is to embrace it. We embrace all the colours, shapes, sounds, smells, tastes, and feelings. We accept all that is just the way it is in the moment we experience it. We accept that it is cold out there, we accept that we have a mountain of laundry to wash, we accept that we are in trouble, we accept that we are tired, etc.

Once we have accepted what we are experiencing right now, we are able to decide what to do with it. We are able to look at a state we would like to be in. For example I am cold and I would like to feel warm again. I accept the fact I am cold. So now I am free to see what option I do have to get myself warm again, for example I get a sweater, cuddle with my partner, turn the heating on, or drink a hot tea. I decide to get myself a sweater and my reality quickly looks different. What works with the small things works with the bigger ones as well, it just takes longer.

What happens when we fight reality? When we fight reality it won’t change as we give it a reason to persist. Let’s get back to being cold. If I don’t accept that I am cold, I am not free to look for options to get myself warm again. I try to fight the feeling of being cold. But no matter how much I fight with it, it won’t change the fact that I am cold. Let’s look for a different example. I am flat broke, but I am fighting this fact. I just don’t want it to be true. What I am actually doing is creating an even bigger hole in my wallet. Unless I accept my unfortunate situation, I am unlikely to find options to change this reality, that I claim doesn’t exist in the first place.

Many of us have things in our lives that we claim do not exist, that we choose not to deal with, that we don’t like to accept as they are and still remain a part of our individual reality unless we start accepting it, which then gives us a free choice of moving into a reality that might serve us much better.

So I choose to accept reality instead of fighting it! What are you doing?

by Sandy Seeber – May, 2012 More articles by Sandy Seeber

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